In and around 2 months in the past of now, I decided I needed a truck. In these days of Hollywood green and sell-your-body-parts gas prices, I think I better justify my decision. Oh, it’s a 1976 Ford F250 Highboy with 35″ tires and a 200-pound solid steel rear bumper.
Reason #1: Hauling crap. I have two trees, a maple and a pine of some sort, which were attempting to pounce on the roof of my house. I interceded for my helpless house and purchased one of those long pruner poles (with a gnarly saw blade on the end) to karate chop the trees’s tushys. After the slaughter I looked at the large piles of severed limbs and realized they probably wouldn’t fit in my 2-door Honda Accord (if only I had the 4-door).
Reason #2: Hauling supplies. Along with the two trees, I have a roof on my house, a fireplace chimney on the roof of my house, and a garage attic, all requiring a ladder to safely reach them. Even though I’d gotten that long tree pruner, I still needed to get on the roof to reach some of the branches threatening my house. The previous owner left me a chimney sweep so I wanted to try that out. And I wanted to check out the garage attic to see what anti-treasures might be lurking up there. (When I pulled down the creepy dirty old baby car seat, I discovered a giant hornet’s nest the size of a giant hornet’s nest). Well, the ladder actually fit just fine in my car but I had to red flag the end and ask the Lowe’s checkout girl what the legal limit out the back is, which was awkward because I get supernervous talking to girls, which she promptly told me 2 feet, which I then diverted my eyes to the floor, which she only knew the legal limit because she looked it up for someone earlier that day, which I was relieved to go do the flag thing that color-matched my rosy cheeks and run away from girl. But when I buy a kitchen floor there’s NO WAY I’ll fit that in my car because my kitchen is maybe like 20′ x 30′ and my car only like 10′ x 6′, but then again my truck is only like 16′ x 6.5′ so I don’t know what I’m gonna do…wait I’m being told kitchen floors don’t come in one piece?
Reason #3: Adventure. How else am I supposed to get into the mountains for backpacking, rock climbing, backcountry skiing, offroading, and other various and sundry excursions? I wanted a canopy so I can build a platform to sleep in the back with my gear underneath, just like Shane and his followers!
Reason #4: Chicks. Chicks love guys with big trucks and bigger egos. I’ve been wondering what I was missing all these years and realized it was the big truck.
Reason #5: Increase my carbon footprint and destroy the atmosphere. My carbon footprint is barely 9 tons of CO2 per year and the U.S. national average is 18.58 tons so I’m way behind!
I’m plumb out of reasons but I think it’s totally justified. Besides, it’s just a really sweet yet mean truck. I started cleaning up the engine (390 FE) to prep it for some high performance additions so watch for the update…