I Sacrifice My Masculinity

I started tanning today at a place called Sunny Buns… Sunny Buns.  I realize that a lot of guys do fake tanning these days, in fact 50% of the tanners according to the girl who signed me up, but that does not make me feel any more masculine.  And even though the reason I’m tanning is to prevent burn and misery in Asia, it does not make me feel any more masculine.

Upon entering Sunny Buns, you are bombarded with bright tropical colors, bikinis for sale (no man shorts), lotions, moisturizers, and intense olfactory hues like a double hit of Bath & Body Works.  I wonder if most people actually enjoy the olfactory overload?  For my part, it makes me a little queasy.

My favorite part about this place is the themed rooms because I don’t know if I could handle 3 minutes of strip time and 3 minutes of unstrip time without visual stimulation.  I think the room I was in may be their “man-room.”  The motorcycle theme definitely gave me a rugged, manly tanning experience.  It also has a funky multi-colored lampthing which doesn’t really add to the theme but I suppose helps create a soothing ambience.  Of course, all that doesn’t matter once you get in the bed because you can’t see anything except a pinhole of light through the eyeball goggles.  Now that I’ve made fun of myself, the name of the salon, the bright lights and smells, and the themed rooms, I am glad for one thing: headphones.  That way I can focus on music for 20 minutes instead of thinking about all the fake UV light stimulating my melanocyte cells to create melanin and then mixing up a good batch of good old fashioned malignant melanoma.  Mmm, tasty.